It has come to my attention that many of you have been overzealous of your use of the "share" function attached to many of the blogs, new articles, memes, YouTube videos, Facebook quizzes and dating websites that you procrastinate and spend your valuable time on. I have therefore put together some simple guidelines which, if followed, will lead to a more enjoyable internet experience for all.
Before clicking on the "share" button on any website, please ask yourself the following questions:
1. Are any of your friends/ followers/ stalkers really going to read it? Or are you just clattering up other peoples social media feeds with rubbish they don't want, risking being unfriended/ unfollowed/ unstalked? If no one is going to read it, you might want to reconsider sharing it.
2. There could be any number of reasons why you feel the need to share something. But before you hit share, ask yourselves if whatever you're sharing is going to elicit the response you think it will have. Like, if you posting because you think it is funny: is this really funny? Or are you just the guy who thinks everything is funny? Are you sharing because you think it's intelligent and thought provoking: is it really intelligent and thought provoking? Or are you just showing off your stupidity by endorsing it with a share? Are you sharing because it is moving: do you really need to emotionally manipulate your friends in this way? Are you sharing an opinion you agree with because you think others will read in and change there minds to think like you? Forget it! No ones changing there mind because of sometime they read on the internet. If it's not going to have the response you want it have, there's not much point sharing.
4. Is there anyway that this post could be construed as being racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted, anti Christian, Anti Muslim, Antisemitic, anti religious, anti nonreligious, too left wing, too right wing, too centrist, unpatriotic, too patriotic, disrespectful to the dead, disrespectful to the living, too westernised, too modern, too postmodern, going to upset minorities, going to upset majorities, promoting cruelty to animals, promoting cruelty to children, promoting slavery, or going to offend any other group of people who will be offended that I've left them off this list? If so, don't share it. Unless you want to offend people. In which case, I'm judging you...
5. Is what you are sharing something new and trendy which most people haven't seen yet? Or did everyone else see this six months ago when it went viral, and now you are going to look like an idiot for being behind the times and out of touch? Maybe looking at it's publication date before shearing is a good idea. By the way, have you guys seen Charlie Bit My Finger? Hilarious!
7. Is there a gaping hole or oblivious flow in whatever you are shearing? Like, is West Germany still being listed as a country? or is this "news" items you are worried/ excited about form a genuine news organisation or spoof website? Or is an entire numbered point missing for its otherwise careful crafted list: say, number six? Or maybe seven?
8. And while wear on the topicc off, mistakies do it hav goodie speller and Gramming! If knot, mayb doo't shore it.
9 3/4. I feel like you also going to have to go ahead and ask yourselves if your peps are going to get the nuances and subtleties of whatever you are sharing. Are they going to get the in-jokes or culture references that make it party time, make it excellent, for you? Or do they have a different meta-narrative to you, making explaining it harder than walking to Mordor?
10. Was the person who write it writing something with a sincere and pure motive? Or were they just trying impress someone, or to to get the attention of a semi famous person? (Hi Tyson!)
Please consider other internet users and follow these simple steps next time you feel the urge to click on the "share" button. Together we can make the internet a better place for all!